Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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