the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
