i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We left an ass print on the piano.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
