dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
