just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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