Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
