Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I could fuck to npr.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
