is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
