Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
