It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize