So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
