i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
