I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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