I wish I could punch you in the face.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
