hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
