its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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