im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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