Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
