How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Randomize