just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
