I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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