are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
