Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
