i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
