the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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