hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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