Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
