I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
