U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
