she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
