Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
