maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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