If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
