The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
