I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
