don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
