Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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