PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
