I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
