seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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