too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
