Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
