Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
