She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
