Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
