Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
