Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
