You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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