...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
