how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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