i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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