Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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