angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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