Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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