Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
