i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
