don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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