And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
