Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They took my balls.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize