You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
