"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
