You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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