I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
