We're facebook friends in real life
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish you could order shots online.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
