Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize