Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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