I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
