I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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