is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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