Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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