He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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