He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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