I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
