Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
