I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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