he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
