It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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