so explain again why im purple
no
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
