her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
