if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
