a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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