I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize