He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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