No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize