is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
