I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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