I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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