so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
